Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
