Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
