ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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