What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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