does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
