how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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