not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
