(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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