I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
