Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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