Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
