I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
