do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
