sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The maid of honor just puked.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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