How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
