At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
