wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
