Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
