do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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