whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
