My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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