I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
