I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
