this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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