Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
