peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
