I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Your dad touched me again.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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