I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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