I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
