Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
