nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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