the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
