i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
