Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
