I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
