Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
