I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my shit smells like andre
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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