i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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