haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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