I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
