And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
