we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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