Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
