Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
