im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
