so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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