would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
