Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
