Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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