My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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