i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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