mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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