Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
