I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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