I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We got so high we made milksteak
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
