This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
