Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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